The Restaurant (2013)

by Nostril Caverns

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GENRE: experimental death metal, brutal death, mathrock

This EP was made for the Songwriting Challenge for July/August 2013. The goal was to make some kind of metal music with a narrative that unfolds over the album/ep/song. The story is about two couples taking a quiet night out at a small restaurant, but they get more than they bargained for...

The first two songs are kinda Gorgutsy, song 3 is brutal death/grind, song 4 is prog rock.

PTB files for the first three songs are included in the zip. Song 4 was improvised drumming with guitar written after, so there's no ptb file.


released August 25, 2013

Chris Balch - guitar, drums, vocals, art



all rights reserved


Nostril Caverns Toronto, Ontario


Guitar since 1995
Drums since 2002

One-man DIY extreme metal from Ontario since 1999.


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Track Name: The Appetizer (Beginning)
H-One night at the restaurant
People's lives changed forever
It could have been prevented

L-The rain was very heavy
It should have been an omen
The restaurant had great reviews
The internet never lies
H-This place must have been cursed
HL-Or they were all just unlucky
Never trust the weather
They deserved what they got

H-The restaurant was virtually empty
Only two tables were filled

L-Cassie and Mike had their one year anniversary
Nina and Tom were on their first date

H-What were the chances?
It was also the waiter's birthday

L-The couples had never met before
The waiter was also a stranger
But they all seemed familiar
To one another
H-It must have been the restaurant
HL-There's no other explanation

L-8:22 on Monday night

H-The appetizers started coming out

L-The couples really liked the food, for now

H-Escargots and callimari
Breadsticks and wine

L-There was love in the air

H-Even when the waiter kept looking down Nina's shirt
Track Name: The Entree (Middle)
H-The smell of steak and fish began to fill the place
L-Four mouths began to salivate
H-Both couples were having a wonderful time
L-Both shared a kiss at the same moment
H-Cassie and Mike were planning to move in together
L-She wasn't wearing underwear, to keep things spicy
H-Nina and Tom felt an immediate connection
L-They both secretly had a crush on each other before

L-The table cloths were so long they fell to the floor
H-Both girls touched a thigh with their foot
L-Playful laughter was interrupted by the waiter
H-Supper's ready, it's time to eat
L-Feasting on the meat of dead animal bodies
H-It was the best meal of their lives
L-The scene couldn't have been any more perfect than it was
H-Then everything went dark, the power was out

HL-The waiter came over to light some candles
Nobody minded, they just kept eating
Nothing will ruin this magical evening

L-Well... almost nothing

L-The dim candle light made it more romantic
If only they knew what would happen

H-The waiter brought over some fresh ice cream on the house
Even though he knew both couples were having a blast
He almost felt like he was a part of the magic
The magic that was about to turn black

L-All of a sudden the girls didn't feel right
Something was horribly wrong
Track Name: The Dessert (End)
L-Both girls clenched their stomachs
As a tear rolled down their cheeks
It felt like their instestines were on fire
Their bodies were too weak

L-They both let out a fart
It stained their clothes
They couldn't keep it a secret
Now everybody knows

L-They kicked out their chairs and cried
It was a race against digestive time
How fast can they run to the bathroom

L-Running made the shit come out faster
It must have been too much of a distraction
...and then they collided

H-It's like watching a movie in slow motion
Limbs flailing around while they fall to the floor
With a triumphant orchestra playing over top

H-The thud on the ground was all it took
To evacuate the evil from their bowels
Lying on the ground while shitting themselves

L-The waiter tripped over them and tried to brace his fall
He put out his hands and accidentally touched them
One up Cassie's skirt, the other down Nina's shirt
Thread the needle twice, couldn't do it if he tried
Track Name: Alternate Ending
HL-Nobody got sick